Three's a Crowd: Parenting a Special Needs Child. (Part One)

Surgery.

It’s one of the few words I remember from Alejandro’s first appointment to the orthopedic surgeon. He was only two weeks old when we made the Michigan University Hospital our second home. Alejandro was born with  a severe case of congenital talipes equinovarus, otherwise commonly known as club foot. His right foot seemed to be ok, as far as club foot is concerned, but his left, the leg curved out like the limb of a bow, seemed to worry the surgeon, and we thought he might need corrective surgery on the entire leg. 

Alejandro's first attempt at transitioning to just Dobbs Braces

The surgery didn’t come till years later. Week after week of twisting his feet into cast. His crying sending me into a fit of uncontrollable giggles that resulted in more than one dirty look from nurses or physicians. There were braces, and cast, corrective shoes, custom plastic FABs, special sneakers, physical therapy, and exercises. Once a week we made the long trip out to the hospital, and once a month my entire day was consumed with not only twisting and crying, but MRIs and Ultrasounds that went on longer than necessary, because he was still a baby and did not understand how this scary situation was meant for him. 

When he was four the surgery finally came. By then Alejandro was a pro and wise to his situation. He knew he couldn’t run or play like the other kids without falling or getting tired easily, but he did it anyway. He started walking at nine months and has been unstoppable ever since. I should have known this powerhouse of a kid would take it like a pro, but thinking about him in surgery was too much for me. 

Seeing him go under, and having to carry around the tell-tale emergency hospital cellphone had me chain smoking outside the hospital for the two and half hours it took the surgeons. When they finally took us back to recovery and told me his spinal tap had not taken and he was going to be in a severe amount of pain, my heart hurt. The recovery room was crowded with screaming children fresh from surgery, and I found my little man at the very end of the long room surrounded by a gaggle of cooing nurses. His big blue eyes dampened with tears as one of the nurses rocked him gently. 

Alejandro on the trampoline despite a serious amount of "No's"

When we received a room, another child was already in there fast asleep. His head was shaved and neat stitches zig zagged across like a well loved rag doll. The few days we were there I learned that he had just received brain surgery for his epilepsy. His mother was going through a divorce because the father could not deal with the situation. She ran back and forth between her job and the hospital, enduring little to no sleep, and to top it all off she also had another child. 

That’s when it hit me.

Mother’s, like that woman, were epic beyond all belief. My situation was minor in comparison. Yes, it is a heart wrenching situation to go through medical procedures with a young child, but there is always someone out there that is going through their own private struggle that makes you look like you are crying in the baby pool while they swim out in the ocean. I still could not imagine going through Alejandro’s procedures with multiple children. I felt worn down all the time and my tiny view of the world was focused only on catering to his needs. Surely if there were two children, one might suffer the injustice of the little bit of attention I had left. 

Alejandro is great now. He runs and plays after relearning how to walk. After a ton of physical therapy, you would have never guessed. The image of that mother, however, keeps me humble and appreciative. 

Alejandro age 6

Tomorrow I’d like to dedicate part two to other parents, like that mom, who have children with special needs and are superheros in my minds eye. They do it all with multiple children, and make it look easy even when it isn’t.